A lawyer says to his client

LAWYER to his client: “Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Shall we order burial, embalming or cremation?”
Son-in-law: “Take no chances ? order all three.”

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I havn't spoken to mather in law...

I HAVEN’T spoken to my mother-in-law for 18 months now. I don’t like to interrupt her

Bying a new car

LAST week my wife and I went to buy a car and the salesman asked if I wanted an airbag. I said: “No thanks. I already have a mother-in-law.”

What does mother in law call...

What does mother in law call her broom?
Basic transportation.

How many mother in laws

HOW many mothers-in-law's does it take to change a light bulb?
One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.

Attachement for mother in law

I used to not get on with my mother-in-law, but over the last few months I've developed quite an attachment for her. It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her mouth shut

Ex mother in law comes to visit

This guy says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what happened last night."
"Why?" his buddy asks. "What happened?"
"Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in- law on the front porch. She asked me, 'Can I stay here for a few days?'"
"Wow," says his buddy. "What'd you tell her?"
"I said, 'Of course, you can,' and shut the door."

Mother In Law Visits

A farmer was visited by his mother in law.

On arrival the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by.

The priest noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head and say something.

Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head, "No" and mumble a reply.

Curious, the Priest asked the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, "The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.'"

The men would ask, "'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'

Pharmacist Tells Customer

A pharmacist tells a customer: In order to buy arsenic you should need a legal prescription. A picture of your mother-in-law just isn't enough.

Mother in laws birthday

A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, ''Darling, it’s my mothers birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric.'' The husband replied, ''How about a chair?!?''
A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night and told him "there is a burglar downstairs in the kitchen and he is eating the cake that my mother made for us."
The husband said, "Who shall I call, the police or an ambulance?"

My Wall Clock

The other day my wall clock fell from the wall and missed my mother in law by a minute, that darn clock was always slow.